I am sitting on my living room floor after completing my 15 minutes I AM affirmation meditation by Alanna Foxx. I finally realized I am no longer on this sugar rush I was on. I feel like I was practicing my greatest Broadway show; I did the show feeling amazing, and before I could even blink twice the curtains were closed before me. I was working with a trauma life coach who pulled out deep-rooted hurt that I covered up with thick heavy drapers and although I feel released and ready to continue my healing journey the most important question came out of my mouth a few weeks after my sessions were over; what now?
Here I am working on getting my Christian book published, I have not placed too much attention on truly understanding what I embarked in; I was vulnerable. I had made up my mind to think once my 6 weeks were over, I would be ready to tackle everything headfirst – Wow, was I wrong ha-ha. The landing out of cloud 9 has been pleasant but altering. I cannot hide, mask it, or run from it. Hearing the words, are you ready to find a therapist? That is a difficult one to process.
I was told I would be triggered, and I would be provoked which, I have been ready for because I now know the importance of remaining one with God and I understand what my true triggers are but, I am not convinced I am ready to trust someone else with listening to my pain outside of God. As I sit here and contemplate what my next steps will be one thing is for sure; This journey will be different for everyone that takes it and as long as the healing continues, growth will happen.
God is my source His love and mercy have kept me alive and well. He listens to me and continues to bless me in ways I sometimes feel I do not deserve, but His love has no measure. Therapy is scary to me because trying to find the right person to trust who may not relate to my past is uncomfortable. On the same hand the idea that I am forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone and learn to trust without needed the person to prove anything seems beautiful to me. I think the answer to ‘What Now’? is SURRENDER!
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